What came to my mind was a time when I went for a Vipassana meditation retreat back in California closed to 9 years ago. The morning bell rang at 3:30 am and we all got up, washed up and off to the morning chant. After that, it was walking and sitting meditation alternating every hour for the rest of the day. It was a sweet experience. Besides the struggle to get out from my thick warm blanket during the winter time and the most yummy Burmese and Cambodia breakfast and lunch, my mind didn’t seem to register any memorable events during those long hours of mindfulness.
Would I do it again? I don’t think so. I don’t feel the need for it. Meditation is no longer something that is separate from my life. My life is no longer compartmentalized into conscious and unconscious time, that I have to set aside time for. At one time in my life, I decided that it is either all or nothing. I just couldn’t bear being conscious in part of my life and unconscious in another. I just couldn’t fool myself any longer. It’s just too painful to not want it all. So now, I open up to what my life offers. I am learning to love having no preferences. And I love it when I could ask to have things the way I want it. And it feels absolutely equal to me. Strange but that’s how it looks on the outside.