Two more days into the new year, 2013. Looking back, I reflect on all the happenings in this year and images come into my mind.
If I have to list what are the biggest highlight for the year, it would be:
1. I am more open to being wrong, starting to love to be wrong and looking forward to being wrong. Being willing to be wrong helps me to stay open and vulnerable to reality, I come to experience that I am not in control here and everything just falls nicely into place with or without me.
2. I tap into the experience of joy by being kind of others and myself. It’s so simple and easy and precious. And at the same time, I can’t stop noticing how kind people are to me. I love the image that I see in the mirror.
They call it Christmas day tomorrow and tonight is Christmas Eve. I have to chuckle when I think of this Christmas thingy and how and when I came to believe this. As I brought my nephews out in the mall with my sister, I saw the decorations, the songs played, the faces of people, I love this beautiful dream. I marveled at how easily we all believe this Christmas story without even questioning it.
I love that I am alone at home on Christmas Eve. I love that I can’t find a story that would go against this solitary Christmas Eve. I see images of people counting down, families getting together. I also see how much stress some people have having to hold this beautiful picture for their loved ones.
I love that my peace doesn’t have to come from outside. And that no one can take that away from me.
Yes, Merry Christmas! I love this beautiful dream.
I had a big realization today.
I felt a joy inside of me today. The joy came from me being kind to people I love. I love how I talk to my nephews, how I encourage Jaden, how I let him know that he is the best violinist, that I am so proud of him, how I tell Danny what is happening when he is not around, hahaha…
I realized that it didn’t come from people being kind to me. And I remembered times when people were “trying” to be kind to me, I didn’t even notice it, and when I did, I couldn’t even take it in.
The bottom line is:
I love me when I am kind to you.
I love me when I am kind to myself.
“If you move into situations of loss in a spirit of surrender to what is, all you experience is a profound sweetness and an excitement about what can come out of the apparent loss. You see that the worst loss you’ve experienced is the greatest gift you can have. ” — Byron Katie
As I read about the mass shooting of adults and over 20 young children in an elementary school in Connecticut, I thought about what gifts that was to this world. The amount of hearts that this event will break open. I have a thought that if I speak this outloud, I may be scorned upon as cruel and emotionless.
I remembered a few years back, a participant in my Singapore workshop came to work on her massive sadness with the passing of her dog. “He shouldn’t die” and when turnaround to “He should die”, she was shocked and was angry with that turnaround and had judgements about The Work at that time. And a few months back when we got to catch up over tea, she told me that what got her through the sadness was to see the gift of his death, of how this apparent loss was the greatest gift she has ever had. The gratitude she felt just changed her life and all she is left with is gratitude for what is.