My Encounter with Katie

Received an email from a dear friend in China telling me that he is coming to understand how a praise from someone is just as stressful as a complaint.  And sometimes when he was stuck doing The Work, he would see me saying things to him in my strong Malaysian accent, that moved him through his stuckness.

What a delight to be that for someone.  It came to me that Katie had been like that for me all these years.  I remembered the first time I met her back in 2002 in a weekend workshop in Northern California, at the end of the workshop, I went up to her and told her, “Thank you for triggering and bringing out the Katie in me.”  And she just held me in her arms and said, “Oh, sweetheart, bring This Work back to your people.”  It just brought tears to my eyes when I recalled and had this image in my mind.

So many times when I was in pain holding on to “my wanting to be right”, I see Katie’s image speaking gently to me, “Is that really true, sweetheart?”  And it softened the hard righteous self like waves that smoothen the hard surface of the rocks on the shore.  I am washed with tears in humility of my ignorance and innocence.

The one thing that interest me about life is to live out what is true for me.  I am not interested in teaching it, there are too many teachers in the world.

To live out what I really feel inside of me is my only interest and allowing that to be anchored to my daily life is my life purpose.  What else would be more fulfilling to me than that?  I haven’t found one and am definitely open to it…

About My Purpose in Life

 Had a really heartfelt experience these few days.  I got to tap into a few experiences in my past that held the keys to determining how I perceived and interacted with the world outside.  I got to see that it wasn’t what happened that was the problem, it was really the story that I told myself what happened that was the problem. And in the past, I continued to live out over and over again this past experience.  However, this time, it is different.  By undoing the past, I come to experience life through a new pair of eyes, not through the same old pair of tinted glasses.

As a certified facilitator, I worked with many people on their stressful thoughts and beliefs.  The greatest blessing for me in doing that is it has helped me to have higher/greater awareness of my own thoughts and beliefs.  Every now and then when I identified the dark space in the attic of my mind and shone light into those areas, it humbled me to see that we are all on the same ground – no one has higher wisdom than the other person except the equal privilege to find out what is true for ourselves.

I am truly grateful for this self-realization experience and I come to see that to start living out this realization in this world is my only purpose in life.

Do I need goals in life?

I came across a concept a few days ago as I was reading a book, “we all need goals in life”.  As I look at the concept, I noticed that I don’t have much reference to that.  And as I asked myself what my goals are, there were no image that came up.  I am not too sure what goals are to me, let alone my goals.

To many people, I may sound like a failure, a lost soul, or someone without an aim in life.  And I totally agree with how I could look that way… and the strange thing is I am ok with that.

And I could remembered the time when I used to have goals, especially goals that I want myself to have, goals that I think will be good for me, goals that I think will make me happier.  And I get to see that those are “standards” that I have taken on as my goals without checking in with myself, Really.  And the result is a lot of stress, denial and self-blame.

So, what is my goal to me now?  I do what comes up for me to do.  Let me see, I get up, I get to do the things I have planned and scheduled to do.  And when it comes to me to work on a project, I listen to it and stay open and see if it can be done and then work towards that OR don’t work towards it.  And it doesn’t mean it will not happen the next minute, day, or week.  I just can’t know.

However, I don’t force myself to do it like I used to, no more abuse from the inside.  Here is a mind that knows it can’t be controlled.  Frustrating, yes, it can be in the beginning.  And the mind that is more open looks for reasons why it is a good thing that it is not getting what it wants.  And it ain’t an easy job.  It’s real research work!!!  And when it finds those reasons, it rests in the balance, I love it that I have it and I also love it that I don’t have it.  And in that space, the clear mind arise and it rests in the experience of what it thought will bring it by having a goal and out of that fluid actions happen.

And that may look like a woman just sitting down in front of a T.V.

Isn’t that interesting?