The cost of wanting it our way


A dear friend was stressed out.  She wanted her 5 year old son to live with her while in reality, he is living with his grandmother in the country side.  She had the thought that he would have a healthier life with her than with his grandmother.  She wanted to do The Work so that she can take away her stress that stops her from having her dream comes true.

“Take this hindrance away from making my dreams come true”.  That would be what her mind would say.  As I look at her situation, I realized that self-inquiry does help us to make our dreams come true.  It definitely can meet her there.  However, not in the way that she would think it is done.

If we look at everything we want to do in life, it comes from a thought.  In this case, her son will have a healthier life with her.  This could be one of the many thoughts that prompts her to want her son to live with her.  To me, thoughts are not wrong or right.  They are just natural phenomena.  The problem comes when we believe them and are attached to them.

If I want my son to live with me but my circumstances does not allow it now, and insist on wanting that, won’t I be killing over myself, blaming for not making that happen… and may even be led onto thoughts like I am not a good mother, or that he will grow up being someone “less than”.

And as I can take the time to sit and find how his not living with me could be as good or better thing, my mind settles and calm down.  I get to experience the reality in front of me,  the goodness of things happening.  And it doesn’t mean I will not work towards getting my son to live with me.  It just means I can continue having a life working towards it and not be stuck and paralyzed with the belief that it has to happen now.

Life seems to have more space when we take time to explore the space between our thoughts, emotions and actions.