I want to talk about ultimate destination today. I used to really want to get done with this life, to figure life out, to reach an ultimate final destination, and to me that was played out as a desire to be enlightened in this lifetime. And I was a very dedicated Mahayana Buddhist practitioner.
I tried to do everything I learned to be the right thing to do, the right way to be and the more I wanted it, the more I tried, the worst I became; I was less happy than I was before, I found myself talked down to myself, my self-judgement grew stronger. And I found myself falling into a pithole that I didn’t know how to get out.
I am sure you want to know how I got out from that pithole. Basically I have to go against what I believed to be true. I have to put myself before all the beliefs I held so dear. I questioned them one by one. I realized that any good belief is not worth me holding so dear if it was really true. I don’t have to be afraid of losing it, I question them and I am free from it.
So, do I still believe all these good beliefs and teaching? Of course I do. They are equal as all other beliefs I have, not higher or lower. I realized for myself that when I hold them as ultimate or best belief, the “I” would want me to live it, and unconsciously, I would measure myself or people around me to that standard and that is the big cause of stress in my life.
And the funny thing about an ultimate destination is it is imagined. To know it in the mind and in the heart is totally two different experience. One is buying in to another person’s experience and the other is through your very own direct experience. And once you know it for yourself that there is no where to go except in this moment, many dreams start to shatter away. It is a raw naked experience. Not fun to be in but a really sweet place to be. Because it is a place where you are moving closer to your heart, your dearest self.